Pluto squared Pluto

25

Everyone thinks Pluto is so bad! It’s a bad transit I hear many astrologers and people say, which has inspired writing this.

I started the year I suppose inviting death into my life.

I never wanted to do, ayahuasca , I was always afraid of it for all the years I heard about it….. but one day I knew it would find me and I would have to do it.

That day came in May 2018 last year, I caught a plane with a friend to Peru.  I still did not want to do it! She did! I decided to talk some courage into myself and say fuck it and just try it.  Was it as bad as I ever imagined?  Yes it was! But it was also better than I imagined at the same time.

The first thing I saw was bright purple vines from the ceiling coming down the walls into my body. My blood pressure dropped very low, at some points I literally thought I was going to die so I kept holding on to the light.  Perhaps I should have just given up and released and gone thru the dark tunnel to the other side.  My boyfriend and my dog was all that I could see in my mind that kept me holding on to this world.  I thought if I did go thru the tunnel I would die, but in that state it didn’t sound that bad either considering how I felt, and how I was already suffering, and felt like I was struggling to stay alive.  I could not tell where by body began or ended.  I kept having to touch myself or what I could feel of myself to make sure I was still there.  I was breathing so hard in and out I sounded like a pregnant women giving birth. The most memorable thing to me within my visions was a black cat he looked like a cartoon character, he was spinning the wheel of life with stars on the edges of the wheel.  I finally decided to not go down the tunnel to the underworld, because I remember thinking “no one can take care of Skye better than I can”. LOL! That’s my dog if you don’t know me.   Perhaps I should have released and that was the journey, but not for me yet.

It was fearful and dark, something I did not want to taste yet.

The minute I decided to stay in this world! It released me! I could get up, I sat up! I thought to myself, wow I made it thru the worst of it! I was now half way back into our world. I just laughed out loud as I thought to myself how funny people on this world live, almost as if I was not one of those people anymore.  AFRAID, AFRAID and AFRAID.

I am afraid to go there, or try that, or change my life in a certain area.

I personally was thinking about moving in with my boyfriend, and how scary that could be.  Thinking about how my life had become very calm, even, creative, happy.  I felt like I did not need to add anything to it to become more complete on my own end.  It was more of him who wanted me to move in with him.  I had contemplated all the logical reasons I should not move in and kept holding him off.

After that night, I called him in the morning and told him I changed my mind and I would move in with him.

Why do we live and not truly live?

Why do we always need to know the answer before we try something?

If we knew the ending, living wouldn’t be living.

One more BIG THOUGHT that came to me was “Nothing mattered in life except for the people you LOVE” and that’s it!

It seems so simple I know….

So even though I had invited DEATH in, I also invited LIFE at the very same time!

I had already had a ticket to go to Europe a few months later, but that night it told me to “Shorten my trip, to be with my loved ones.”

Immediately, when I got back from Peru and near a computer, I changed some tickets around and canceled my trip I had to go to Venice Italy to get back quicker.

Little did I know… my mom was literally dying when I flew home.  How could this plant know this in advance to warn me? It was like it connected me to a place without time and saw death and let me know.   I still believe if I did not get home in time, she really could have passed.  Hours after I got home, my sister called me and told me my mother looked like death. I raced over there, she looking like living death, she had liver failure and a kidney infection which also was making the kidney’s fail.  She was being poisoned to death for days or weeks even. She was just sitting in a chair, she could barely make out words anymore, and the ammonia had seeped into her brain so she could barely comprehend anything.  We got her to the hospital, they diagnosed her “end of phase liver failure”.  We really thought we were saying “goodbye” to her.  As much as I thought I could prepare myself for this one day, since she drank so much.  I was still not ready!

I started to feel really close to my dead loved ones.  I always feel my godfather Julian Martinez, super close to me, but he was even more present than normal.  My grandmother on my dad’s side Rosa Martinez,  she stood close to her because back when she was live my mom helped take care of her when she was sick dying of kidney failure.  I could tell she wanted to be near her, those are who I felt very closely.  Being able to be so close to my dead loved one’s was really amazing, and I still can access them, but during this period it was so strong, I did not have to try to access.  They just were there almost as strong as a living person.

We thought my mom was dying for 2 more months, during this time I felt AFRAID, and FEAR take over.  I tried to have a good day, but I felt fear and impending doom around the corner at any minute.  It was tapping my adrenal glands getting me sick and tired.

Not 2 weeks later, my dad ended up in the hospital from Pneumonia, from the drugs that the DR’s had been fighting cancer with, the drug is what made his lungs shut down. We found out it was serious and he could have died.  He is more private so I was less around for that, but still to see your father “the rock” who holds things together, look weak and sick, like he had given up and couldn’t even smile when he is the guy who is always joking around, really hurt me! I cried, and cried, and asked the world not to take him as if I was bargaining with death.

All and All I can say, they are both doing ok at the moment and recovering slowly, and the day I found out my mom was not dying and still had a chance for recovery was the day my Pluto square Pluto ended. She had got to see the liver specialist!  What a relief, I can get back to normal life again.

That was an extremely intense year for me and months living in fear, yet appreciating every moment of life you have.

I hope my journey has inspired some people to live more fully, and stop waiting for the right time to do this or that, or tell someone you appreciate them, or love them.  Life is too short! Start making the moves that count that might be the scariest one’s to you & truly live while you’re alive!    I hope you enjoyed reading, please check my site out at http://www.divinescarlet.com

 

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